The Pain of Growing Up LGBTQ+: How to Heal Childhood Trauma

Growing up LGBTQ+ can be really hard. The judgment, hate, and confusion about different sexual orientations and gender identities can hurt a lot. These painful times, if not dealt with, often lead to problems as an adult. Problems like anxiety, depression, drug abuse, and wanting to end your life. It’s important to talk about the trauma of growing up LGBTQ+ and ways to heal.

What LGBTQ+ Childhood Trauma Looks Like

Trauma shows up in many ways for LGBTQ+ kids. Some deal with bullying, being beat up, or even attacked by classmates, teachers, or family members because of who they love or how they express their gender. Others face put-downs, being ignored, or told they’re wrong about their feelings.

Even LGBTQ+ kids who don’t face direct harm still deal with the stress of hiding who they are. They may not have examples of people like them or support. Without the safety to figure themselves out, they may have a hard time knowing and loving who they are.

Signs That Growing Up LGBTQ+ Trauma Is Still Affecting You

Every LGBTQ+ person has their own journey, but here are some common signs that childhood trauma is affecting you:

• Shame or hate towards your LGBTQ+ identity
• Feeling like a fake or not “enough” in LGBTQ+ spaces
• Always doubting or not liking yourself
• Trying to be perfect to make up for feeling not good enough
• People-pleasing and trouble saying no
• Finding it hard to trust and be real in relationships
• Feeling apart from your body and struggling to enjoy things
• Using drugs, food, work, or sex to avoid hard feelings
• Thoughts of suicide or self-harm when shame comes up

If you relate to any of this, know that you can get help and heal. You’re not alone.

How LGBTQ Therapy Helps

In the past few years, more and more therapists are offering support just for LGBTQ+ people. LGBTQ therapy gives a safe space to work through the stress, trauma, and pain that comes with being LGBTQ+.

In therapy, you can:

• Get to know and love all parts of who you are
• Work through painful times, shame, and negative messages
• Learn to be kind and accepting of yourself and your body
• Grieve what you’ve lost and rewrite your story with strength
• Build skills to talk to others, set boundaries, and have healthy relationships
• Get help with coming out, transitioning, or being an LGBTQ+ parent
• Make a life that fits your values and lets you be your true self

Having a therapist who really gets what it’s like to be LGBTQ+ can make all the difference. Look for someone who doesn’t just say they’re LGBTQ-friendly but knows a lot about LGBTQ+ issues and is LGBTQ+ themselves if possible. We are proud that all of our LGBTQ+ providers are members of the community and know the experience first hand. Learn more here.

Your Story Matters

If you’re hurting from growing up LGBTQ+, your pain is real and it matters. It’s not your fault. You’re not broken or alone.

No matter where you are in your healing, know that things can get better. With time, help, and being kind to yourself, you can turn your pain into power. You can take back your story and live fully as the amazing, strong LGBTQ+ person you’ve always been.

If you’re ready for support, think about reaching out to an LGBTQ+ therapist. You deserve to be celebrated and loved for exactly who you are.

Healing may feel long and scary. But it’s a journey worth taking. On the other side is real self-love, pride in who you are, and the joy you’ve always deserved.