Thinking about quitting drinking and anxious about sober dating? Or maybe you are looking to just cut back on drinking but are curious how it may impact your relationship prospects. Many people tell me the idea of sober dating is a huge barrier in alcohol moderation. But here’s a secret.. what if I told you it can actually benefit you?
As someone who has dated sober and not ( I got sober at age 24 after all), I can tell you that sober dating opens up a whole new world of possibilities. It’s like putting on a pair of glasses and seeing everything in HD for the first time. Let’s dive into the five reasons why sober dating gives you an edge in finding a relationship.
Why Sober Dating Is Your Superpower
1. You’re Actually Present
Gone are the days when you were more focused on your next drink than your date’s story. When you’re sober dating, you’re fully there. You’re not just hearing words.. you’re listening. You’re not just seeing a face; you’re noticing expressions.
Without alcohol clouding your judgment, you can really tune in to how you feel about the person sitting across from you. Are they making you laugh? Do you feel comfortable? Is there a spark? These are things you might have missed in your drunk dating days.
Plus, being present means you’re more likely to remember all those little details that make dating fun. No more waking up the next day trying to piece together what happened.
2. You Make Better Choices When Sober Dating
Let’s be real – alcohol has a way of making everyone look like a catch. But when you’re sober dating, you’re seeing people for who they really are. No beer goggles, no rose-colored glasses. Just pure, unfiltered reality.
This means you’re more likely to choose partners who align with your values and goals. You’re not settling for someone just because they look good after a few drinks. And it’s not just about choosing better partners. You’re less likely to overshare, say things you don’t mean, overcommit or end up in situations you’re not comfortable with.
3. You Build Genuine Confidence
Remember when you needed a drink (or three) to feel confident enough to talk to someone you liked? Those days are gone. Sober dating helps you build real, lasting confidence.
You learn to rely on your own charm, wit, and personality. You discover that you don’t need liquid courage to be interesting or attractive. This kind of confidence doesn’t wear off when the buzz does – it sticks with you.
There’s something incredibly empowering about knowing you can handle social situations without a crutch. Nervous about that first kiss? Anxious about meeting their friends? No problem – you’ve got this, all on your own.
4. Sober Dating Creates Deeper Connections
Alcohol might make you feel more open, but it often leads to surface-level connections. Sober dating allows for real vulnerability and depth. When you’re not numbing your feelings, you’re more in touch with your emotions. This means you can share more authentically and connect on a deeper level. You’re not just swapping drunk anecdotes; you’re sharing ideas, beliefs and stories.
This vulnerability is magnetic. People are drawn to authenticity. By showing up as your true self, you’re more likely to attract partners who appreciate the real you, not just the life-of-the-party version. As a result, you are more likely to find a relationship (if that is what you are looking for). You will waste less time because the lack of connection and red flags will be obvious. So you can move on to the right person for you.
5. You Actually Remember Your Love Story
Imagine being able to look back on your relationship and remember every sweet detail of how it started. That’s the gift of sober dating.
You’re creating clear, vivid memories of your journey together. First dates, first kisses, inside jokes – they’re all stored in full HD in your mind. No more piecing together your love story from blurry snapshots and secondhand accounts.
This superpower doesn’t just give you great stories to tell. It also helps you build a stronger foundation for your relationship. You’re fully present for all those early moments that shape your connection, creating a richer, more meaningful bond from the start.
The Sober Dating Advantage
Embracing sober dating isn’t always easy, especially in a world where alcohol often feels like a social lubricant. But the benefits far outweigh any initial discomfort. You’re not just avoiding hangovers and regrettable texts – you’re setting yourself up for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Remember, sobriety isn’t about missing out. It’s about gaining a whole new perspective on life and love. It’s about being the best version of yourself and attracting people who appreciate that version.
Even if you’re not looking for a relationship right now, going on sober dates can help improve your life. Better decision-making, deeper connections, genuine confidence – these are gifts that keep on giving, whether you’re looking for love or just living your best life.
I share all these tips and more in my book, Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Life You Love.
If you are questioning your relationship with alcohol, and want extra support, we have a number of therapists at Therapy for Women Center who can help and are trained in my unique approach. Learn more about it here.
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