Amanda White, LPC

Not Drinking Tonight, Introducing Amanda’s Book!

I am so excited to share that the Not Drinking Tonight book… is officially available for preorder! This book is really my manifesto. It may be about alcohol, but I can guarantee you, every one of us will benefit from this book. It talks about alcohol use as a symptom of much deeper rooted issues (some mental health wise, some biological, some evolutionary and of course, how our society impacts us).

Here is the official blurb. I cannot wait for you to read it!

When “retired party girl” and popular therapist Amanda White admitted she was an alcoholic, it wasn’t because she’d done something outrageous while under the influence, like land herself in jail or get married in Vegas. It was because she realized three things: 1. Alcohol was making her life worse. 2. Moderation wasn’t helping. 3. She could not be a therapist if she continued to use alcohol to numb her life. Something needed to change—not just her relationship with alcohol, but her relationship with herself.

Choosing not to drink can be daunting. It’s everywhere in our culture, our socializing, and our de-stressing. It can also seem black or white: you drink, or you don’t (and if you don’t, people ask why). That’s where Not Drinking Tonight comes in. Judgement-free and relatable, Amanda helps you unpack your relationship with alcohol by showing you how to:

Find out why you drink. Whether it’s a glass of wine after work or a weekly bar crawl, your drinking habits can be the result of everything from biology to trauma.
Heal your relationship with alcohol. Understand how your relationships have been affecting your life, and learn how to set boundaries and create true self care.
Build the sober life you love. Learn what comes next—how to maintain your social life, navigate sex and relationships, and love yourself.

Not Drinking Tonight isn’t a program to stop drinking. It’s the first book to help you address the root issues that cause you to reach for a drink, and create a life you love—one that is not perfect, but is messy and real and one you are fully present for.

Click here to order it!

Amanda is Therapy for Women’s founder and Executive Director. To learn more about Amanda, read her bio here.

Why You May Want to Cut Back on Drinking

If you have ever wondered if sobriety is for you, let’s dive into this topic. And yes, you can be sober and STILL have this much fun!

Drinking is up all over the world right now, and it concerns me. Not because I’m sober and want to convert people, but because as a culture we don’t talk about the ways alcohol negatively impacts our mental health.

Instead we often say, some people are alcoholics and have problems and others don’t. It’s so black and white and protects us from having to honestly assess our behaviors.
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You do not have to be an “alcoholic” to stop drinking.
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You don’t even have to have meet any criteria on this list other than YOU WANT TO. Or want to improve your health.

If you’ve thought about your relationship with drinking, been longing to feel better, reduce stress and deepen your relationship with yourself and others… you may be sober curious!

Based on my experience, here are 15 reasons you may want to question (that means simply explore—no pressure or judgement here.)

Have you ever wondered: What could I gain if I stopped drinking or explored sobriety?

1. You WANT to

2. You’re sick of being hungover

3. You’ve started drinking alone

4. It’s negatively impacting your relationships

5. You’re known as the “fun one” in your friend group (when you drink)

6. Drinking no longer feels worth it

7. It’s negatively impacting your performance at work

8. You often tell yourself “I’m never drinking again”

9. You want to live a life you don’t need to escape

10. You wake up with anxiety and shame the day after a night out drinking

11. You’ve started adjusting your goals and values to fit your drinking habits

12. You have to drink more than you’d like to in order to get the same affect

13. You use it to cope with your emotions or anxiety

14. People have told you they’re concerned

15. Your entire social life revolves around drinking

There’s no right or wrong with this list, I’m not saying YOU HAVE to do anything if you meet criteria on this list, it’s just a space to get curious.
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When I first started exploring sobriety, I was (and still am!) so grateful for the many leaders of the sober curious movement and their openness about their experiences—which is a big part of why I chose to be open about my sober lifestyle, how I got here, and what it looks like.
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Those that are sober, how has your life improved since you stopped drinking?
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Those that are sober curious, what questions do you have about not drinking?!

To check out my book about sobriety, click here!

All My Love,

Amanda

How to Afford Therapy if Your Therapist Doesn’t Take Insurance

therapists from therapy for women center in philadelphia who take insurance

Does Therapy for Women Center take insurance? How can I afford therapy if my therapist doesn’t take insurance? We answer below in addition to other important questions you may have. Contact us at [email protected] if you have more questions or check out our full FAQ page .

Okay, let’s get into it…

Does Therapy for Women Center Take Insurance?

We do not take insurance directly but we do accept out-of-network benefits. So, if you have out-of-network benefits, you pay us upfront and we provide you with a statement to submit to your insurance for reimbursement. We do not take insurance. Insurance companies require us to diagnose, which can have a negative impact on your ability to get coverage in the future.

They dictate how long therapy is. Often, they will only give people a few sessions of coverage and then the therapist has to fight the insurance company to get more sessions. An insurance company can look into your sessions and decide if you are making progress at a rate they are satisfied with or not.

I have out of network benefits, how do I know how much money I will get back?

Call your insurance company directly. Ask them if you have mental health benefits and if you have out-of-network benefits. Ask them what your deductible is. Some people have a very low deductible, other people have a $5,000 deductible. For example, you would have to pay $5,000 out of pocket on medical expenses BEFORE your insurance company would start reimbursing you. Ask your insurance company if they cover the code 90834 which is for a 50-minute psychotherapy session.

How can I afford therapy?

Therapy can be expensive. It really is an investment in yourself. There are three main tricks to get quality mental health treatment AND save some money.

Get reimbursed by your insurance company for sessions.
2. Use an HSA (Health Savings Account) or FSA if you have one. We use them just like a standard credit card.
Asking for sliding scale availability. This is a discount off of a therapist’s standard rate.
Go to a practice with Therapist Interns, like us!

I don’t live in the Philadelphia area, can you see me as a client?

Yes! We currently serve many states across the country and have therapists licensed in different states. Contact us to learn more about our current availability and see if we can work with you!

My Favorite Hack: How To Take Care of Your Future Self

Despite what society tells us, self care is not something that you buy. There’s no price tag on it. And its difficult because there are so many different beliefs about what it is and what is it not. Here’s a general guideline: ask yourself, “What will my future self thank me for?” OR “What will best help me for tomorrow?”

A woman reading by engaging in self care and taking care of her future self

“Self care looks like doing something right now that you don’t want to do in order to take care of your future self.”- Amanda E. White, LPC

Self Care is Thinking of Your Future Self

I got a lot of feedback on Instagram that this was helpful but also some confusion with people saying things like…

“If I live my whole life like that, I will never rest, that sounds exhausting!” I hear you. But I also think we may be misunderstanding the concept then.

If you’re sick, skipping the gym, calling out of work, pushing away laundry and SLEEPING are something your future self will thank you for.

If you are feeling blue, only you can decide and discover if skipping plans will make you feel better or worse.

The Harsh Truth About Self Care

This is the thing: we all want a black-and-white rule. Something that we can always rely on to follow. But life isn’t like that. Self care is certainly not like that. Context is everything. Your motives and intentions behind what you do matter.

AND most importantly, what may be self care for you may not be for someone else. So try to not compare yourself with other people (especially on Instagram!) We all have different needs and values, so our self care is going to look different.

Try to not be hard on yourself and give yourself grace to remember, that learning how to take care of yourself is a lifelong JOURNEY. It will evolve and change depending on what’s going on in your life.

In the meantime, here are some of my favorite ways to take care of myself that are FREE.

Cleaning mindfully
Going for a mindful walk
Journaling mindfully
Exercising without technology
Cooking – especially while watching reruns
Reading
Stretching
Listening to music- especially a really great nostalgic track that reminds me of a favorite memory
Taking a bath

My challenge to you this week – practice self care at least once this week!

Warmly,
Amanda

To learn more, contact us or book an appointment.

How to Set Effective and Compassionate Boundaries

It seems that a lot of us struggle setting boundaries in various parts of our everyday lives, so I thought this week we’d expand on that!

Setting Boundaries is a Sign of Self Respect

When we find it difficult to set boundaries, many times it’s because we feel like if we do, we’re not being respectful to the other people involved. In reality, if we don’t set boundaries the person we’re disrespecting most is ourselves. Think about it, it’s your time that isn’t being used how you planned. Or comfort level that isn’t being respected. Or mental health needs that aren’t being met.

When we learn how to set boundaries in a healthy way, we are respecting ourselves, as well as making room for an honest and realistic relationship with others around us that won’t cause burnout.

Let’s look at an example: You made dinner plans with your friends that you’re so excited about! You haven’t seen them in weeks due to conflicting schedules. At 3:30, your boss asks if you can stay late tonight to finish up a project.

There are two immediate ways that you could resolve this conflict:
a.) Tell your boss you can stay late. You don’t want to disrespect them by telling them you already had plans, and you don’t want them to think you’re not committed to the job. You might have to miss part or all of dinner with your friends.
b.) Let your boss know that you’re sorry, but you aren’t able to stay late. Try to come up with a different resolution to the problem together.

It’s probably clear to most of us that Option A is the easier choice – we’ve all been there! Nobody wants to look bad in front of their bosses, and dinner with friends may not seem like a good enough excuse to leave work. But when we think through the scenario, we see that we aren’t respecting the plans we made with ourselves (or with our friends). We know that we’re team players at work, and that had we had further notice there would’ve been a greater chance that we could stay late and help…so let’s just tell our boss that!

“I’m sorry, but I’m not able to work past 5:30 today. In the future, I’d be open to staying late to work on projects, but I’d really appreciate a few more days notice so I can work my schedule around it”BOOM. Boundary set. Your boss knows that you’re serious about the work you do for them, but that you’re also serious about your boundaries.

What are some other amazing side effects to setting boundaries?

People are going to be much more likely to respect your boundaries from the start if you’ve shown them how important they are to you. Say your Mom keeps calling during work hours, and that’s not something you’re comfortable with. The longer you skirt around the problem, or downplay it as a preference, the more she’ll call you without thinking twice about it. The sooner you can set your boundary by saying “Mom, I’d love to talk to you about this, but please do not call me during work hours anymore” the sooner she’ll realize how serious you are. Give her a call after work, or tell her what times you are available. These are all things that can set a boundary, while helping manifest healthy habits in that relationship.

Here are some prompts to journal on that could help you with setting boundaries.

What is the boundary I want to set here?
Why is this boundary important to me?
What are some alternative options I can give this person?
- It could be a better time to talk, a different option for how to communicate, or nothing! (Sometimes we don’t need to explain ourselves!)
How will I benefit from setting this boundary?
How will my relationship with the other person benefit from setting this boundary?

A Few Quick Tips on Boundary Setting

1. Avoid using the word “but”.
The word “but” often creates a situation where the person on the receiving end feels like the first part of your sentence is negated. Think of the example “I love you but I need space.” Replace it with AND and this allows the feeling that both parts of the sentence are EQUALLY importance. “I love you and I need space.”

2. Avoid labeling or name calling
If you call the person you are trying to set a boundary with “needy” or “annoying” or any other unflattering adjective, they are likely to go into defense mode. Stick with how you feel.

3. Start with empathy if possible.
If you have a “soft start” to your boundary and start by acknowledging the person or how much you care about them, it can make the boundary much more effective.

Concluding Thoughts

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope this gave you some accessible tips and steps to take in order to establish healthy boundaries in your life!

To learn more contact us, or book an appointment.

The Happiness Trap : A Radical Way to Build Self Compassion

bookshelf at Therapy for Women Center Old City | 325 Cherry St | Philadelphia, PA 19106

What is the happiness trap?

YOUR BRAIN IS NOT WIRED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. YOUR BRAIN IS WIRED TO SURVIVE. Here’s the deal…. Our society teaches us that being happy all the time is “normal” and that should be our baseline. This is something called the “happiness trap” (coined by Russ Harris). But this notion is radically incorrect. There is literally no survival value in being happy. You aren’t more likely to have kids if you’re happy. You aren’t even more likely to be successful if you’re happy. Sometimes our anxiety and fear can actually drive us to get things done. (Isn’t that crazy?!) And in evolutionary terms, all your brain cares about is surviving and reproducing so its genes can be passed on.

So over the millions of years of evolution, the people that were careful, likely to hesitate when they saw something in the bushes were the ones more likely to SURVIVE. Even if they were only right 1% of the time, that gene got passed down and was compounded.

How This Impacts Us

The more careful our ancestors were and the more they were driven to never be satisfied (more food, stronger shelters, more children) the more successful they and their genes were). Which is why all of us that exist at this moment in history are HARDWIRED to be careful. We come from a long lineage of ancestors who were careful and made calculated risks. Ancestors who constantly surveyed their surroundings to make sure they were safe, while also trying to get as many resources as possible.

Fast forward to us living in a modern society and our “threats” are typically not life threatening. We no longer are in danger of being eaten by a bear, we are in danger of being called out at work, feeling rejected by friends or being ghosted by a partner. Now, being careful hurts us. Constantly worrying about outcomes that are not going to happen makes us less productive and happy.

No wonder so many of us have anxiety

Unlike other animals, who can have a fear about something (say, a dog had a traumatic instance with almost drowning), we can literally imagine being around water and being scared 24 hours a day. A dog lives his life and doesn’t think about the traumatic incident unless he is immediately exposed to water. Through the part of our brain that developed to plan, reason and imagine, though this initially helped us survive, it now allows us to replay unhappy events all day long as if we are still in the situation! Again, no wonder so many of us struggle with feeling happy.

I share this because important information about being happy because before I knew this, I would berate myself and get mad at myself for not being happy. I thought something was wrong with me and that I was a bad person because I had so much. You may feel this way too because of what our society teaches us. I’m here to set the record straight.

Concluding Thoughts

You can be grateful and unhappy.
Having everything you want doesn’t guarantee happiness.
YOU CAN STILL FEEL LIKE YOU WANT MORE & THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
That’s just the way you were wired- your brain was wired to want more and not be satisfied, no matter what you have. You’re not ungrateful, you’re a human being!

Once you learn about the happiness trap and the way your brain was wired, you can stop torturing yourself and start offering yourself compassion for the human being that you are. When you have this information, you gain the ability to stop the self-loathing, stop berating yourself and start acting differently. With this knowledge you now have the power to stop listening to your thoughts and start choosing something different!

To learn more about this, contact us or book an appointment.