Amanda White, LPC

5 Reasons Why Sober Dating is A Superpower

Thinking about quitting drinking and anxious about sober dating? Or maybe you are looking to just cut back on drinking but are curious how it may impact your relationship prospects. Many people tell me the idea of sober dating is a huge barrier in alcohol moderation. But here’s a secret.. what if I told you it can actually benefit you?

photo of Amanda E. White wearing a shirt that says "recovery is so fetch".

As someone who has dated sober and not ( I got sober at age 24 after all), I can tell you that sober dating opens up a whole new world of possibilities. It’s like putting on a pair of glasses and seeing everything in HD for the first time. Let’s dive into the five reasons why sober dating gives you an edge in finding a relationship.

1. You’re Actually Present

Gone are the days when you were more focused on your next drink than your date’s story. When you’re sober dating, you’re fully there. You’re not just hearing words.. you’re listening. You’re not just seeing a face; you’re noticing expressions.

Without alcohol clouding your judgment, you can really tune in to how you feel about the person sitting across from you. Are they making you laugh? Do you feel comfortable? Is there a spark? These are things you might have missed in your drunk dating days.

Plus, being present means you’re more likely to remember all those little details that make dating fun. No more waking up the next day trying to piece together what happened.

2. You Make Better Choices When Sober Dating

Let’s be real – alcohol has a way of making everyone look like a catch. But when you’re sober dating, you’re seeing people for who they really are. No beer goggles, no rose-colored glasses. Just pure, unfiltered reality.

This means you’re more likely to choose partners who align with your values and goals. You’re not settling for someone just because they look good after a few drinks. And it’s not just about choosing better partners. You’re less likely to overshare, say things you don’t mean, overcommit or end up in situations you’re not comfortable with.

3. You Build Genuine Confidence

Remember when you needed a drink (or three) to feel confident enough to talk to someone you liked? Those days are gone. Sober dating helps you build real, lasting confidence.

You learn to rely on your own charm, wit, and personality. You discover that you don’t need liquid courage to be interesting or attractive. This kind of confidence doesn’t wear off when the buzz does – it sticks with you.

There’s something incredibly empowering about knowing you can handle social situations without a crutch. Nervous about that first kiss? Anxious about meeting their friends? No problem – you’ve got this, all on your own.

4. You Create Deeper Connections

Alcohol might make you feel more open, but it often leads to surface-level connections. Sober dating allows for real vulnerability and depth. When you’re not numbing your feelings, you’re more in touch with your emotions. This means you can share more authentically and connect on a deeper level. You’re not just swapping drunk anecdotes; you’re sharing ideas, beliefs and stories.

This vulnerability is magnetic. People are drawn to authenticity. By showing up as your true self, you’re more likely to attract partners who appreciate the real you, not just the life-of-the-party version. As a result, you are more likely to find a relationship (if that is what you are looking for). You will waste less time because the lack of connection and red flags will be obvious. So you can move on to the right person for you.

5. You Actually Remember Your Love Story

Imagine being able to look back on your relationship and remember every sweet detail of how it started. That’s the gift of sober dating.

You’re creating clear, vivid memories of your journey together. First dates, first kisses, inside jokes – they’re all stored in full HD in your mind. No more piecing together your love story from blurry snapshots and secondhand accounts.

This superpower doesn’t just give you great stories to tell. It also helps you build a stronger foundation for your relationship. You’re fully present for all those early moments that shape your connection, creating a richer, more meaningful bond from the start.

The Sober Dating Advantage

Embracing sober dating isn’t always easy, especially in a world where alcohol often feels like a social lubricant. But the benefits far outweigh any initial discomfort. You’re not just avoiding hangovers and regrettable texts – you’re setting yourself up for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Remember, sobriety isn’t about missing out. It’s about gaining a whole new perspective on life and love. It’s about being the best version of yourself and attracting people who appreciate that version.

Even if you’re not looking for a relationship right now, going on sober dates can help improve your life. Better decision-making, deeper connections, genuine confidence – these are gifts that keep on giving, whether you’re looking for love or just living your best life.

I share all these tips and more in my book, Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Life You Love.

If you are questioning your relationship with alcohol, and want extra support, we have a number of therapists at Therapy for Women Center who can help and are trained in my unique approach. Learn more about it here.

How to Work Through Trauma and Its Neurological Effects

Trauma — a severely distressing and emotional experience — can have long-lasting effects for one’s mental and emotional well-being. Trauma presents differently in everyone. It may result from neglect, abuse, accidents, natural disasters, or experiencing forms of violence.

woman holding hands over chest for article on effects of trauma

Either way, the side effects of trauma are more than just psychological; in fact, the effects on the brain are equally significant.

The Neurological Effects of Trauma

Trauma impacts normal functioning by altering brain chemistry and specific parts of the brain structure, such as the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. All these parts combined can affect memory, behavior, and the ability to regulate emotions.

The Amygdala

The amygdala is a small structure in the brain that plays a role in processing and understanding emotions, memory recollection, and also controls the fear response. When someone experiences trauma, the amygdala goes into overdrive. They become more sensitive to stimuli, anxiously fearing a trigger of their experience. Due to changes in the amygdala, individuals may perceive threats in non-threatening situations.

The Hippocampus

The hippocampus is responsible for forming new memories and learning information. Trauma actually causes the hippocampus to shrink, which ultimately impairs memory to where individuals may struggle with distinguishing between past and present experiences. This symptom is also known as flashbacks, and is a common sign of PTSD.

The Prefrontal Cortex

The prefrontal cortex is responsible for higher-level functioning, such as decision-making, social behaviors, and emotional regulation. Trauma can weaken the connection between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, leading to irrational fears that may be difficult for the individual to overcome. Triggers can have a devastating effect, and cause an inability to regulate emotions once in a heightened state.

The Stress Response System

The stress response system, also known as the “fight or flight” system, is chronically activated after a trauma experience. Our brains are not meant to live in this state, so it can have drastic effects on physical and psychological health.

Elevated Cortisol Levels

Cortisol, also known as the “stress hormone,” is released during times of perceived danger. After experiencing trauma, cortisol is present at high levels in the body, and can lead to:

Fatigue
Irritability
Headaches
Digestive or intestinal issues
Increased blood pressure
Weight gain
Anxiety and depression
Cardiovascular diseases

Immune System Suppression

Chronic stress can weaken the immune system. This causes individuals to be more susceptible to diseases and illnesses, which can contribute to an increase in mental health symptoms. Our bodies naturally produce white blood cells to fight off infections, however, with a high stress level, cortisol suppresses the production of these cells, making it more difficult for healing.

Neuroinflammation

Neuroinflammation is inflammation of the nervous system tissue found in the brain. Because of this, individuals are more at risk for developing mental disorders like anxiety or depression. It can also lead to long-term neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s.

Trauma Recovery

Trauma does not necessarily mean free from trauma symptoms, however, there is hope for emotional stability and wellness. One of the best ways to recover and heal from traumatic experiences would be to engage in different forms of therapy.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is one of the most common therapeutic approaches, and it involves individuals learning to identify and challenge their negative thought patterns. Professionals help understand the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and teach effective coping skills to help with emotional regulation.

Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is a method that has been specifically designed for trauma healing. It involves thinking of traumatic memories while practicing body stimulations, such as eye movement. This process helps with reprocessing to reduce their emotional intensity when experiencing trauma triggers.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can help with emotional processing and regulation, as well as being present and grounded in reality. This, along with therapy, can be great tools to utilize for overcoming trauma and beginning to heal. Contact us today to schedule an appointment!

To learn more about trauma therapy and book an appointment with one of our trauma specialists, click here!

Important Things to Know About DBT Therapy

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an effective, therapeutic method used to treat a variety of mental health disorders. It was originally developed in the 1980s to treat individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder. However, over time, DBT has been expanding to treat other conditions, such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and substance abuse.

DBT therapists at Therapy for Women Center in Philadelphia

What Is DBT?

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is considered to be a type of talk-therapy for individuals who feel emotions very intensely. By using components from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), DBT focuses on changing the client’s lives by helping them accept their reality and understand the root of their behaviors. DBT therapy teaches skills relating to emotional regulation and identification of unhelpful thoughts and behaviors.

Core Components of DBT

Mindfulness: This is a skill of grounding yourself to the present moment. Mindfulness is useful for understanding emotions and how they affect decision-making.
Distress Tolerance: A way for individuals to manage themselves in a crisis situation. This may include techniques such as self-soothing, distractions, and radical acceptance.
Emotional Regulation: Involves fully understanding and being aware of emotions and how to maintain control over them.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Setting boundaries, maintaining respect and love for yourself, and learning how to communicate wants and needs with people close to you.

The Structure of DBT

DBT methods can be utilized in a few different structures:

DBT Assessments: First, a mental health professional will conduct an assessment to determine if DBT will benefit you. If you decide it is the right therapy for your treatment, you and your therapist will work together on commitment and length of sessions.
Individual Therapy: Engaging in one-on-one sessions with a therapist will help cater to the client’s needs. Individual sessions allow professionals to teach DBT skills and monitor their progress closely.
Group Skills: Clients can engage in sessions in a classroom-like setting with other individuals who are learning and practicing the same skills. Additionally, clients can form connections with others who may be struggling with similar experiences.
Phone Coaching: This means that you have access to your therapist in between sessions when immediate support is needed. However, therapists do have the right to set boundaries on when you can call, so make sure you have other emergency resources available.

Effectiveness of DBT

Research has shown that DBT is effective in reducing self-harm, suicidal ideations, and harmful emotional reactions. However, DBT is only as successful as the commitment from the client. In order to meet the maximum benefits of therapy, clients and their therapists need to fully commit to the therapeutic process.

In addition to commitment, counselors have the expectation that their clients will actively participate in sessions, as well as practice the skills in their daily lives. Homework may be assigned to help the individual remember and incorporate skills outside of sessions.

Recovery and Outlook

DBT normally takes about 6 months to a year, depending on the person. Since all individuals are unique, there is really no specific timeline for treatment progress. It’s also important to remember that you may not be entirely “symptom-free” after your sessions are complete. DBT aims to teach you skills, but it is up to you to retain the information you are learning.

Try not to be down on yourself if your progress feels slow. The end goal is to improve your quality of life, and committing to DBT sessions is only going to help. Remember, any progress is good progress.

If you are considering DBT, it’s essential to find a therapist with DBT qualifications. You can find this information by researching the therapist’s credentials. Normally, professionals will list their specializations through mental health organizations or professional directories. You can also ask for referrals through your primary care provider. If you feel DBT may be right for you, consider reaching out to a mental health professional to explore your options!

At Therapy for Women, we have many therapists who specialize in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), click here to get started with one of our specialists!

New Relationship Anxiety: Signs and Tips for Coping

Entering a new relationship can be an exhilarating experience filled with joy, excitement, and the promise of a deep connection. However, it can also bring out a significant amount of anxiety. New relationship anxiety is a common phenomenon that can stem from past experiences, fear of the unknown, or insecurities.

photo of a female couple on a swing set for article on new relationship anxiety

Recognizing the signs of anxiety and learning effective strategies to manage it can help you move forward with confidence and build a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Understanding New Relationship Anxiety

New relationship anxiety often arises from the uncertainty and vulnerability in the early stages of a romantic connection. You might worry about whether your partner feels the same way, fears rejection, or is concerned about repeating past relationship mistakes. This anxiety can manifest in various ways, affecting your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Signs of New Relationship Anxiety

Overthinking and Overanalyzing

You find yourself constantly second-guessing your partner’s words and actions, looking for hidden meanings or signs of disinterest.
You spend a lot of time replaying conversations and wondering if you said or did something wrong.

Need for Reassurance

You frequently seek validation from your partner about their feelings for you.
You feel a strong need for constant communication and reassurance that everything is okay.

Fear of Vulnerability

You struggle with opening up and being your true self, fearing that your partner may not accept you.
You put up emotional walls or distance yourself to protect against potential hurt.

Physical Symptoms

Anxiety can manifest physically, causing symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, restlessness, or trouble sleeping.

Avoidance Behaviors

You might avoid deepening the relationship or having serious conversations to prevent potential conflict.
You may delay making plans or hesitate to commit to activities that could bring you closer together.

Tips For Managing New Relationship Anxiety

Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in managing anxiety is acknowledging it. Understand that it’s normal to feel anxious in a new relationship and that these feelings don’t necessarily indicate a problem with the relationship.

Communicate Openly

Share your feelings and concerns with your partner. Honest communication can help alleviate misunderstandings and build trust. Let your partner know if you’re feeling anxious and why. They might be able to provide the reassurance you need.

Focus on the Present

Try to stay grounded in the moment instead of worrying about the future or whatever is ruminating from the past. Enjoy the time you spend together without overthinking where the relationship is heading.

Build Self-Confidence

Take time to work on your personal self-esteem. Participate in activities that boost your self-worth and remind you of your strengths and qualities. A strong sense of self can help reduce anxiety and reliance on external validation.

Take it Slow

Allow the relationship to develop at a natural pace. There’s no need to rush things. Taking it slow can help you build a strong foundation and give you time to address any anxieties that arise.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Be mindful of negative or catastrophic thinking patterns. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, challenge those thoughts by considering more realistic and positive possibilities.

Celebrate Small Wins

Acknowledge and celebrate the positive moments and milestones in your relationship. Focusing on the good aspects can help shift your mindset away from anxiety and towards appreciation and joy.

Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care can help ease anxious thoughts around relationships. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge, such as exercise, meditation, stretching, reading, or hobbies. Take care of your mental and physical well-being to improve your overall outlook on your relationship.

Seek Support for New Relationship Anxiety

Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or even a mental health therapist. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help provide perspective and help you feel less isolated and anxious. If you notice new relationship anxiety, it may be time to give counseling a try!

5 Ways Highly Sensitive People Can Benefit from Therapy

Being a highly sensitive person can feel like both a blessing and a burden. On one hand, highly sensitive people are often empathetic, intuitive, and feel a deep connection with their emotions. On the other, they can be easily overwhelmed by sensory input, emotional stimuli, and the complexities of human interactions. Therapy can be a valuable resource, providing tools and strategies to navigate their unique challenges and harness their strengths.

close up portrait of woman with blue eyes for article on highly sensitive people and therapy

Benefits of Therapy for Highly Sensitive People

1. Understanding and Validating Sensitivity

One of the first and most significant benefits of therapy for a highly sensitive person is the validation and understanding it provides. Many sensitive individuals grow up feeling misunderstood or criticized for being “too sensitive.” Therapy offers a safe space where their sensitivity can be acknowledged as a legitimate and valuable trait rather than a flaw.

Therapy can help normalize the experience. Therapists can help highly sensitive people understand that their high sensitivity is a natural variation of human temperament. This normalization can reduce feelings of isolation and self-criticism.

Learning about the characteristics of sensitive individuals can empower them to embrace their nature and see it as a strength rather than a weakness. A therapist can provide much-needed validation, affirming their clients that their experiences and emotions are real and important.

2. Developing Emotional Regulation Skills

Sensitive individuals often experience intense emotions, which can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. Therapists can teach emotional regulation skills and how to handle their feelings in a healthy and constructive manner. Here are some techniques:

Mindfulness Practices: Therapists equip mindfulness techniques that help individuals stay grounded and present, reducing the intensity of their reactions.
Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Techniques to reframe negative thought patterns and develop healthier responses to emotional triggers.
Stress Management: Therapy can provide strategies for managing stress, such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and other effective coping mechanisms.

3. Building Resilience and Self-Esteem

Because of their heightened sensitivity, individuals may struggle with low self-esteem and feeling overwhelmed by life’s challenges. Therapy can play a crucial role is building resilience and improving self-worth. Therapists can help identify strengths and unique qualities, fostering a positive self-image.

Learning how to bounce back from setbacks and handle adversity with resilience can be extremely beneficial for those affected by negative experiences. Therapy can cultivate a sense of self-compassion, encouraging sensitive individuals to treat themselves with kindness rather than criticism.

4. Improving Interpersonal Relationships

Highly sensitive people often have rich inner lives and strong empathy, which can enhance their relationships. However, they may also find social interactions draining or struggle with setting boundaries. Therapy can improve interpersonal skills and relationship dynamics.

Therapists can teach effective communication strategies, helping their clients express their needs and emotions clearly and assertively. Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial for protecting their emotional well-being and avoid burnout in relationships. Therapy can also provide tools for resolving conflicts in a constructive manner, reducing the emotional toll of interpersonal disputes.

5. Creating a Balanced and Fulfilled Life

Highly sensitive individuals often need to balance their lives carefully to avoid overwhelm and maintain well-being. Therapy can support these individuals in creating a lifestyle that honors their sensitivity while promoting overall fulfillment and happiness.

Therapists can aid in creating a self-care routine that includes activities and practices that replenish their energy. Therapy can assist in making intentional choices about careers, relationships, and daily routines to ensure they align with values and needs of their clients.

Engaging in therapy provides a structured space for personal growth and self-discovery, helping navigate life’s challenges with greater confidence and clarity.

Being a highly sensitive person does not mean you are alone. Seek help, learn to embrace who you are, and navigate the world with confidence and grace. Reach out to a mental health professional today!

5 Important Tips to Reduce Dentist and Doctor Anxiety

Do you struggle with dentist or doctor anxiety? Many of us have gotten out of the habit of seeing our dentists and doctors over the past year because of the pandemic. Many people experience anxiety about going to the dentist or doctor, but with the pandemic this has gotten even worse. Dentists are reporting that the pandemic has been especially difficult on our teeth as many of us have skipped the dentist the past year and have also taken to clenching or grinding our teeth to deal with stress.

Do you struggle with anxiety about going to the doctor or dentist? You aren’t alone!

If you struggle, it is extremely. Here are some things you can do.

If you have never been to see this provider before, call them before going and let them know what you are dealing with. Share that you are nervous about going or have anxiety. If you have not been to the doctor or dentist in a long time, share this with them. Then, you can see if their reaction is supportive or judgmental before you book your appointment. Ask the receptionist if they have a recommendation of which provider at the practice is most understanding.

You can also ask them if they have any recommendations or things, they can do to make your appointment easier or more comfortable. For example, some doctors may recommend you take an earlier appointment in the day so they can spend more time with you. Some dentists will let you know if they have TV or other distractions to make your appointment easier.

If you struggle with calling to make an appointment, try a provider who uses an online booking system. You can check out the app ZocDoc which allows you to make all your appointments online.

Anxiety can make us want to cancel our appointment and back out at the last minute. However, it’s important to remember that avoiding something only makes our anxiety temporarily better. Over time, when you chronically avoid doing something, you will actually feel more anxious over time.

If you are someone who has a history of cancelling, here are some ideas that may make it less tempting.

1. See if you can have a friend or family member go with you. Tell loved ones about your appointment and ask them to check in with you before and after to help keep you accountable

2. Write out all the excuses you may come up with in order to cancel. Try to eliminate any excuse. For example, give yourself plenty of time before and after, or make sure they take your insurance before you book.

3. Bring things to do in the waiting room or during your appointment (for the dentist), bring headphones, a book, something to fidget with so you can distract yourself.
4. Try to envision how good it is going to feel to after your appointment completed

5. Once you find a provider you like, get into the habit of setting up follow up appointments when you are at the office rather. This will make it more likely you go and help you get into the habit of going regularly.
Would you try any of these?

At Therapy for Women, we are here to help you work through your anxiety about a variety of situations, including seeing the dentist, doctor or other appointments. Contact us to learn more or get started!