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An Introduction to Sex and Pleasure

Fernanda Formel, MFT

How do we start talking about sex? Where do we even begin? As a sex therapist, I find there is not one perfect place to start and the important thing is to just START talking about sex. Sex can often feel like a taboo subject for a variety of reasons, but if we don’t talk about it, it becomes much harder to learn and feel comfortable. That’s where I come in. My goal and hope is to support others in strengthening their ability to discuss sex, their sexual needs, and sexual wants as well as provide education and tips that could lead to a more pleasurable sex life.

One area of sex that I find is the most common that individuals and couples do not talk about is pleasure and how to increase pleasure. In media, we have sadly portrayed versions of sex that create false ideals and expectations of what sex “should” be. The reality is that sex “should” be what YOU want it to be and for most people that includes sex being pleasurable and satisfying.

As we dive into this topic, please keep in mind that when I use the term sex, I am talking about sex in all of its forms (intercourse, outercourse, etc). It is also important to clarify that sex and pleasure is going to look different for every single person. Sex is for the individual, couple, triad+ and it can mean sooo many things. Sex is defined by the person, not the dictionary. Sex may look like penetrative sex, oral sex, clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, nipple stimulation, stimulation of any of the various erogenous zones (which are all over the body), or exploring kinks and fetishes. Now that I’ve clarified that sex and pleasure will be different for everyone, it is also important to remember that how someone achieves pleasure may also be different.

In my upcoming workshop, we will discuss the various ways in which you can enhance your pleasure during physical intimacy alone and with a partner(s). We will be discussing communication, stigma, self pleasure (masturbation), partnered pleasure, erogenous zones, techniques, and, what I like to call, the add-ons (toys, lubricants, environment). I will also be answering any questions attendees may have that they can send to me privately via the Zoom chat. My hope is that this workshop encourages and inspires individuals and partners to get creative and find ways to enhance their sex lives and increase pleasure and satisfaction.

If you are interested in joining my workshop, The Science of Sex and Pleasure, head to this link and save your spot. If you can’t attend the workshop time, not to worry! We’ll be sending out a recording you’ll have access to for the next week. I can’t wait to see you all there.